My Compass - the soft skills I learned from my parents.

I was born into a mixed-marriage family, where no culture or religion played a dominant role.

My parents raised us in their own unique way, not bound by generational traditions or expectations. They taught us, sometimes indirectly, about moral values, manners, independence and common sense. I didn’t realise it then, but looking back, those were strong values, soft skills and mindset that carried us through life and gave us the grit to overcome challenges.

A friend who visited during a Chinese New Year open house in the late ‘90s, asked me “You’re a Catholic, your brother is a Muslim, then what is your sister?”. My sister was little at the time. After laughter from everyone present, he answered, “Confused,” which made us laugh even more.

Truth is, we were never confused, because we didn’t try to figure out each other’s beliefs or faith. We respected it.

Like religion, my parents never imposed on us any profession that they thought we should pursue. Helicopter-parents might call it “no direction”, but actually, we were all figuring things out as we went. We didn’t have all the answers, and that’s ok! We were open to opportunities; a good mindset to have.

My parents never stopped me when I said I wanted to try go-karting. They never said it was too dangerous for a girl, or that it’s a boy’s thing. Dad simply asked, “Are you sure?” and just like that, he handed me his helmet, racing suit and gloves, and said, “Whatever you do, don’t let go of the steering wheel. Go at your own pace and speed up when you’re comfortable.” Assuring words that gave me confidence, not just in karting, but in life! I didn’t win as many trophies as dad or my brother did, but the thrill of the speed was in our genes!

Papa cautioning me not to touch the engine because it's hot.

Papa helping me with the helmet.

In the photos, notice how big dad’s racing suit was on me. A few sessions later, he said, “If you’re serious, I’ll buy you your own helmet, suit and gloves.” (I still have that suit today!)

Mum was the Yin to dad’s Yang. As her first-born, she taught moral values I once thought were extreme but later as an adult, I appreciated. Her tough love developed my grit, and though it often felt like nothing I did was ever good enough, I know she loved me and relied on me. She was the super power and the driving force in our family, and, she brought so much to the table that dad knew he would be nothing without her.

Let’s unpack from this personal story:

1. Principles and values they raised us with – some good, some not, but all helped us know what NOT to follow.

2. Confidence-building and trust – taught through actions, not just words.

3. Freedom of choice – we were free to choose and face the consequences (except for the boys I dated). No over-protection, no bubble-wrapping.

4. Gender equality – ability is not defined by gender.

5. Diversity – multi racial and multi religion. Respect one another – treat others how you want to be treated.

My parents were not perfect, but we had a perfect balance of nature and nurture.

Papa and mama, my compass, thank you for everything, including the soft skills you have given me. May you both rest in peace.